One Continuous Mistake

historical-nonfiction:

An armored dinosaur has been found in Alberta, so well-preserved that it looks like a statue. The specimen was preserved in 3D, perfectly hardening into sandstone, from its snout its hips. Paleontologists were able to determine, just by looking at it, that this discovery is also a new species.

So what did this new dinosaur look like? Well, according to the researchers, it is the “dinosaur equivalent of a tank.” It was 5.5 meters long (about 18 feet) and weighing more than 1,300 kilograms (or 2,800 pounds). There is ornamentation around its eyes, six-sides plates on the sides of its skull, and distinct alternating lines of spikes and scales along its back. The prickly skin even contains molecular clues suggesting it was reddish on its backside, and lighter on its underside! That’s a lot of detail about a species, all from one specimen.

The new dinosaur been named Borealopelta, or “northern shield.”

(Source: westerndigs.org, via nadiaoxford)

seat-safety-switch:

I couldn’t believe it. The leaked emails had been clear as day: Big Muffler had worked hard to block the common-sense citizen science of Loud Pipes Save Lives. It was true: the louder the exhaust, the less likely anyone around the motor vehicle was to die. Society changed overnight in the face of this new revelation.

I am awoken at five in the morning by the Federally-mandated zoomies shooting flame through the hood of my neighbour’s Caravan. Equipped with a five-star safety rating, this front-wheel-drive wonder barge is so loud that no children have ever been recorded experiencing an injury near it that wasn’t related to eardrum damage. A turbocharged model was cancelled due to the muffling of the impeller blades causing an unacceptable level of calm to test pedestrians, who did not react with the animal fear that promotes a culture of maximum safety.

She is leaving her home so early because the cities have now banned having too many cars together in one place, and enacted a strict law to enforce staggered commute times. This further increases safety; there are fewer cars on the road!

It is difficult to look down the street, at the school zone, because the assemblage of safety has reached such a decibel level that the very air is distorted by the sound waves fired from the latest European luxury crossovers. Maybe that is just my eyeballs rattling around in their orbits. Ever since they banned electric motors, lawnmowers have also gotten much more safe, and my neighbour is enjoying that new safety margin by climbing aboard his ride-on, still blotto drunk from the previous evening.

I have never felt so safe in my life, and the feeling lasts until I read on the internet about the series of weird concussions that are cropping up in local hospitals.

(Source: seat-safety-switch, via seat-safety-switch)